One Small Misstep by
brutti_ma_buoni for <user site="livejourna
Apr. 13th, 2014 01:03 pmTitle: One Small Misstep
Pairing: Jensen/Felicia
Rating: R
Any warnings: none
Jensen's pretty upset about the D, but really, Felicia's overreacting. No, really. It's his damn grade, his damn life. She's going to be just fine.
But Flee's standing there, lip wobbling, eyes seriously filling with tears, like Jensen's astromath fuckup is the worst thing that ever happened in the life of a Day.
(Sidenote: it's possible this is actually the worst thing that ever happened to Felicia. She really doesn't mess up. It's tough, being best buddies with the girl who's literally head of the All The Classes, but it's always been worth it. She's the best geek soul sister a guy could ever have. And Jensen is totally better in some of the physical stuff. Except for target shooting. And zero-g. But apart from that, he absolutely has some ego-salve available. Him big man, break rocks, make fire. That kind of gig. It'll be useful in deep space. Kind of. Not as useful as astromath, he has to admit.)
"Flee- Uh, Felicia," he amends, because this doesn't look like a day for junior high nicknames, even when he means it completely affectionately. Because he does. He just doesn't get her problem. "It's okay. I'll just retake the class. No big. Puts me behind, sure, but-"
"Exactly," she declaims. (Declaim is definitely the verb.) "You're behind. So… So we won't ship out together."
Wow. If they're not graduating together, that's actually true. Jensen always pictured them heading off into the black together. Well, you know, not together, because Flee's not into that, and anyway they'll probably be on different ships, but still. Setting first foot off of Moonbase Delta, finding their way in the void, messaging back and forth on the long watches, that was all going to be a part of his future. And now, well. Not.
Actually, now he thinks about it, that was never going to work. Unless they're part of a convoy, their ships will lose message contact after a few months, and then it could be years before Jensen sees Felicia again. Which… that's crazy. That's crazy, and Jensen never noticed till now and-
He thinks about hyperventilating. Flee's been there for thirteen years, always at his side. Redheaded and geeky and able to make him laugh and why didn't Jensen spot that their life plan was going to split them up forever?
More constructive than hyperventilating. That's what Jensen needs to be. He looks back once at the big red D on his comm, but honestly? That's not the priority. Jensen will get into space. He just needs to find a way to get into space with Flee.
"Uh, you could defer?" he hazards. "Do some research? Wait for me?"
She looks at him, very straight-gazed. Jensen loves Flee a whole bunch, but sometimes, she really is scary. Now is that time. And, of course, why would she stay?
"How'm I gonna justify that?" she says, reasonably enough. They've been pushing hard, on the A track, the guys who want to get up and out there. Instructors all over space school know it.
"You… could…." He stalls. Work, brain. Work. He finds an answer. "We could declare a couple. Then they'd have to let us ship together."
Ship together. Berth together. Uh, also breed together. Yeah, Jensen's brain. Great answer. No downside there.
Felicia's face does a thing. Like, probably disgust. Twisted, and bad. But those tears that didn't quite fall earlier well up again, and this time they do start to fall. She's red, angry red in the face. "Oh…. Fuck you, Jensen. Just fuck you."
She's turning, as he shouts after her, "We wouldn't haveta, you know, do it-" And she pauses to pick up a small rock and hurl it in his general direction as she stalks away. It doesn't hit him, which proves she really is upset. Felicia has quite the dead aim. He decides to wait till she's ready to come back.
(Sidenote: Jensen has had sex. Quite a lot of sex. He's totally able to talk about it in a mature fashion, and not call it "doing it". Just- Flee brings this kid crap out in him. Felicia Day and sex do not mingle in Jensen's brain.)
*
Felicia doesn't come back. In fact, she doesn't speak to Jensen for more than a week.
That's the first time in thirteen years that Jensen hasn't talked with Flee at least once per day. It's the worst thing he's ever felt.
Jensen does some thinking. Some of it involves sex and Felicia Day.
His brain seems okay with that.
*
When Felicia sits down next to Jensen in Advanced Mechanics, it feels like a blessing. She explains nothing, as though the past week of separation was just a regular thing for them. She's focusing fiercely on the professor, just like usual, but Jensen (who, please note, is not failing this class) spends some time watching her profile. The way her pink lips, generous and always on the verge of smiling, wrap around her stylus when she's focusing. The soft curls at her neck where she's pulled her hair off her face with- hey, is that one of Jensen's merit bands?
Whatever. His conclusion, slightly uncomfortably on account of ultra-snug cadet uniform pants, is that he is totally hot for Felicia. And he should be smacked in the head for never noticing that before. Stop calling her Flee. Stop thinking of her as a sister. You might have an epiphany about what's really going on with your life.
He passes Felicia a note, while the professor is recapping study topics for the semester tests. Flee never needs that shit. So, I'm an idiot. says the note. Coffee and talking?
She nods. Jensen's incipient hard-on vanishes, as he contemplates actually having to talk with her about feelings and shit. But it'll be worth it.
*
Felicia has always loved Cosmos, because it's that smidge geekier and more authentic a coffee house than any of the others. They cold brew their own-growth, own-roast beans, or some shit that means the coffee is four times the price of Starzbux and tastes, okay, marginally better. But this is definitely an occasion for Jensen to shut his mouth about prices and embrace the Cosmos experience.
"So," he says.
"-You're an idiot," she replies. And, yeah, she's smiling, but there's an edge there, which Jensen barely recognises. "But so am I. I know you weren't, like, mocking me deliberately."
"No! God, no," he answers, jerking the words out fast because that's absolutely not the situation. "I just… I think I panicked. I don’t want to lose you, Flee. And it all kind of- I don't know. I'd never really thought about not being with you all the time, when we ship out. And I should have said it better, and thought it through, but declaring a couple could work-"
"Stop right there," she says. It's not the death stare again, but she doesn't look exactly happy. "I thought you understood that was a dumb idea. I was thinking we'd pitch for a joint assignment, till you screwed up astromath."
Oh. Right. They can do that. At least, really good students like Flee can do that. They've earned a little leeway from the powers that be. As opposed to fuckups like Jensen who don't get a say in their future. But a joint assignment, that would work. In fact, it would be fairly awesome. Flee will get to do something interesting, and Jensen's not in any way a laggard, he'll learn and keep up with whatever project she picks. Wow. That could have worked.
"Uh. I should probably have thought of that earlier, right?" Jensen says. But, there's a part of him that isn't sorry. Because that option would have kept them together, and that's great. He's just realised this past week that there's another option. A better one.
If he fucks this up as bad as astromath, of course, Jensen will be on some third rate starship headed for Oort Central and thirty years of deep mining. And Flee will never speak to him again.
Maybe that joint assignment idea isn't so- No. No. Man up, Jensen.
"Okay. We could do that," he says. Felicia (not Flee, not for this) looks at him like she's expecting the but. Which is, obviously, coming. "But, I was thinking. Would being a couple be so terrible?"
Her face doesn't do the terrible thing this time. Which he tries to see as a bonus, even though Felicia instead rolls her eyes and says, "Worried about getting laid in deep space, dude? Pretty as you are, you will have no problems, my friend." She's chaffed Jensen about his pretty-boy looks often enough that he doesn't take this as a revelation. But then she says, "Just because you realised about my stupid crush, doesn’t mean I'm the solution for your-"
Wait. What? She's speaking fast, and her ears are pink, which means she's covering something she doesn't want him to focus on. Stupid crush. Stupid crush. "On me?"
"What?" she blinks. In full flow, Felicia-style, and stopped dead. It's so unlike her.
"Your crush. Is on me?"
"…Yes?" she says. And that's not Felicia. That's a little voice, full of fear. Because she has never, ever breathed a word of this ever ever before, because Jensen would totally have noticed.
(Sidenote: Jensen's mom, and his best buddy after Flee, and his aunt, and his brother, and the sweetshop guy, and the taco stand owner, and about thirty other people in the last decade have all said they make a lovely couple. But they know nothing, and Jensen could never have foreseen this. Clear?)
"Oh, Flee," he says. "I'm sorry." And almost loses her forever, except he really is better at some of the phys ed stuff, and he grabs her arm before she eels away. "I mean, fuck, I was so dumb when I suggested we couple up just to stay in contact. But I've been thinking we could do that for real. We totally should do that. You and me, and the universe is our oyster?"
He feels her relax under his hand. She's not running. She's not laughing. He might relax just a tiny part even before he sees her face.
Not that she's transformed, or miraculously perfect and unlike herself. She's Felicia Fucking Day, and Jensen never wants to lose her.
"You know," she says, "We could be horribly incompatible. The sex could be awful."
"We should check that out," he answers. Because that's also Felicia, right? Feel the fear, do it anyway, and triumph for sure. "And if it’s awful, joint assignment, right? Because I am not going another week without speaking to you." He's pretty sure the sex will not be awful. They haven't even kissed, but he's so sure he wants her, it feels completely logical to be confident it'll all work out.
It's 11.32 am, and they're heading for Jensen's dormroom. They've abandoned Cosmos' cups half full, a crime against financial prudence and (yeah, okay) good coffee. Their first kiss is in a stairwell of Gamma Hall, when they can't wait any longer to find out if it really sucks. They're really pretty eager, considering thirteen years of not even thinking of this as a possibility, at least on Jensen's side.
It doesn't suck at all. Felicia's the perfect height, the perfect fit, the perfect taste. Jensen's hard off just that one kiss. Insane. "My place is closer," she says, and that seems relevant.
"So, I'm not a virgin," she adds, in the elevator. "In case you were worried."
"Seriously?" He blinks at her. "How did I miss that?"
"I didn't want you to know." She shrugs. "It seemed important to get some experience of one of life's big physical events before I shipped out. Even if it wasn't going to be-" you, she doesn't quite add. Because now it is going to be Jensen. Whoa.
"Was it okay?" Because Jensen never actually thought of Felicia as sexual before this week, and clearly he's an idiot, but he still hates the idea of some randomer fucking her for a project.
"Yeah," she says, "They were good guys."
Uh. Jensen takes a moment to process that. The plural, and more importantly the hot wave of jealousy that some guys gave Felicia a good time. Which, you know, he's still a friend. It's good that it was good. And he's really not a virgin himself. (As Felicia knows, in pretty much Technicolor. He told her everything. Jensen totally deserves suffering a flash of jealousy, compared with that oblivious performance, right? And really, what happens after this is more important. What if he's not good?)
But she's wrapped around Jensen, and they're kissing. So, this is absolutely more important. He keeps having those moments of dissonance, even as they get inside, move through kissing to removal of clothes, to touch and taste and sinking into each other. Is this real? Is this how Felicia feels against his face? (Yes, it is, and the kick to the back of his head when he pauses is so like her.) Is this his dick he's watching, being enveloped by Felicia as she sinks down on him, pauses, and then grins, with a little flourish? Like, ta-dah! Most definitely. And it makes him grin up at her even as he fights not to roll his eyes back in his head and just go with the supple strength of her riding him.
Damn. This really is them.
After he comes too fast and gets her off hard in apology and there is some hair pulling and laughter and sweat, he's breathing into her hair, and she's giving these little pleased moans as the last ripples of post-orgasm slip away. It's probably not even one pm, and her dormmate on the right totally threw a shoe at the wall a while back, and Jensen still failed astromath which has fucked up their future plans somewhat.
But. "I'm thinking," he says, "That your shared assignment plan was okay. But mine's better."
Declaring a couple before a deep space voyage is a hell of a thing. It means they'll be together for a damn long time, if not forever. But, really, why wouldn't Jensen be glad about that?
***
Pairing: Jensen/Felicia
Rating: R
Any warnings: none
Jensen's pretty upset about the D, but really, Felicia's overreacting. No, really. It's his damn grade, his damn life. She's going to be just fine.
But Flee's standing there, lip wobbling, eyes seriously filling with tears, like Jensen's astromath fuckup is the worst thing that ever happened in the life of a Day.
(Sidenote: it's possible this is actually the worst thing that ever happened to Felicia. She really doesn't mess up. It's tough, being best buddies with the girl who's literally head of the All The Classes, but it's always been worth it. She's the best geek soul sister a guy could ever have. And Jensen is totally better in some of the physical stuff. Except for target shooting. And zero-g. But apart from that, he absolutely has some ego-salve available. Him big man, break rocks, make fire. That kind of gig. It'll be useful in deep space. Kind of. Not as useful as astromath, he has to admit.)
"Flee- Uh, Felicia," he amends, because this doesn't look like a day for junior high nicknames, even when he means it completely affectionately. Because he does. He just doesn't get her problem. "It's okay. I'll just retake the class. No big. Puts me behind, sure, but-"
"Exactly," she declaims. (Declaim is definitely the verb.) "You're behind. So… So we won't ship out together."
Wow. If they're not graduating together, that's actually true. Jensen always pictured them heading off into the black together. Well, you know, not together, because Flee's not into that, and anyway they'll probably be on different ships, but still. Setting first foot off of Moonbase Delta, finding their way in the void, messaging back and forth on the long watches, that was all going to be a part of his future. And now, well. Not.
Actually, now he thinks about it, that was never going to work. Unless they're part of a convoy, their ships will lose message contact after a few months, and then it could be years before Jensen sees Felicia again. Which… that's crazy. That's crazy, and Jensen never noticed till now and-
He thinks about hyperventilating. Flee's been there for thirteen years, always at his side. Redheaded and geeky and able to make him laugh and why didn't Jensen spot that their life plan was going to split them up forever?
More constructive than hyperventilating. That's what Jensen needs to be. He looks back once at the big red D on his comm, but honestly? That's not the priority. Jensen will get into space. He just needs to find a way to get into space with Flee.
"Uh, you could defer?" he hazards. "Do some research? Wait for me?"
She looks at him, very straight-gazed. Jensen loves Flee a whole bunch, but sometimes, she really is scary. Now is that time. And, of course, why would she stay?
"How'm I gonna justify that?" she says, reasonably enough. They've been pushing hard, on the A track, the guys who want to get up and out there. Instructors all over space school know it.
"You… could…." He stalls. Work, brain. Work. He finds an answer. "We could declare a couple. Then they'd have to let us ship together."
Ship together. Berth together. Uh, also breed together. Yeah, Jensen's brain. Great answer. No downside there.
Felicia's face does a thing. Like, probably disgust. Twisted, and bad. But those tears that didn't quite fall earlier well up again, and this time they do start to fall. She's red, angry red in the face. "Oh…. Fuck you, Jensen. Just fuck you."
She's turning, as he shouts after her, "We wouldn't haveta, you know, do it-" And she pauses to pick up a small rock and hurl it in his general direction as she stalks away. It doesn't hit him, which proves she really is upset. Felicia has quite the dead aim. He decides to wait till she's ready to come back.
(Sidenote: Jensen has had sex. Quite a lot of sex. He's totally able to talk about it in a mature fashion, and not call it "doing it". Just- Flee brings this kid crap out in him. Felicia Day and sex do not mingle in Jensen's brain.)
*
Felicia doesn't come back. In fact, she doesn't speak to Jensen for more than a week.
That's the first time in thirteen years that Jensen hasn't talked with Flee at least once per day. It's the worst thing he's ever felt.
Jensen does some thinking. Some of it involves sex and Felicia Day.
His brain seems okay with that.
*
When Felicia sits down next to Jensen in Advanced Mechanics, it feels like a blessing. She explains nothing, as though the past week of separation was just a regular thing for them. She's focusing fiercely on the professor, just like usual, but Jensen (who, please note, is not failing this class) spends some time watching her profile. The way her pink lips, generous and always on the verge of smiling, wrap around her stylus when she's focusing. The soft curls at her neck where she's pulled her hair off her face with- hey, is that one of Jensen's merit bands?
Whatever. His conclusion, slightly uncomfortably on account of ultra-snug cadet uniform pants, is that he is totally hot for Felicia. And he should be smacked in the head for never noticing that before. Stop calling her Flee. Stop thinking of her as a sister. You might have an epiphany about what's really going on with your life.
He passes Felicia a note, while the professor is recapping study topics for the semester tests. Flee never needs that shit. So, I'm an idiot. says the note. Coffee and talking?
She nods. Jensen's incipient hard-on vanishes, as he contemplates actually having to talk with her about feelings and shit. But it'll be worth it.
*
Felicia has always loved Cosmos, because it's that smidge geekier and more authentic a coffee house than any of the others. They cold brew their own-growth, own-roast beans, or some shit that means the coffee is four times the price of Starzbux and tastes, okay, marginally better. But this is definitely an occasion for Jensen to shut his mouth about prices and embrace the Cosmos experience.
"So," he says.
"-You're an idiot," she replies. And, yeah, she's smiling, but there's an edge there, which Jensen barely recognises. "But so am I. I know you weren't, like, mocking me deliberately."
"No! God, no," he answers, jerking the words out fast because that's absolutely not the situation. "I just… I think I panicked. I don’t want to lose you, Flee. And it all kind of- I don't know. I'd never really thought about not being with you all the time, when we ship out. And I should have said it better, and thought it through, but declaring a couple could work-"
"Stop right there," she says. It's not the death stare again, but she doesn't look exactly happy. "I thought you understood that was a dumb idea. I was thinking we'd pitch for a joint assignment, till you screwed up astromath."
Oh. Right. They can do that. At least, really good students like Flee can do that. They've earned a little leeway from the powers that be. As opposed to fuckups like Jensen who don't get a say in their future. But a joint assignment, that would work. In fact, it would be fairly awesome. Flee will get to do something interesting, and Jensen's not in any way a laggard, he'll learn and keep up with whatever project she picks. Wow. That could have worked.
"Uh. I should probably have thought of that earlier, right?" Jensen says. But, there's a part of him that isn't sorry. Because that option would have kept them together, and that's great. He's just realised this past week that there's another option. A better one.
If he fucks this up as bad as astromath, of course, Jensen will be on some third rate starship headed for Oort Central and thirty years of deep mining. And Flee will never speak to him again.
Maybe that joint assignment idea isn't so- No. No. Man up, Jensen.
"Okay. We could do that," he says. Felicia (not Flee, not for this) looks at him like she's expecting the but. Which is, obviously, coming. "But, I was thinking. Would being a couple be so terrible?"
Her face doesn't do the terrible thing this time. Which he tries to see as a bonus, even though Felicia instead rolls her eyes and says, "Worried about getting laid in deep space, dude? Pretty as you are, you will have no problems, my friend." She's chaffed Jensen about his pretty-boy looks often enough that he doesn't take this as a revelation. But then she says, "Just because you realised about my stupid crush, doesn’t mean I'm the solution for your-"
Wait. What? She's speaking fast, and her ears are pink, which means she's covering something she doesn't want him to focus on. Stupid crush. Stupid crush. "On me?"
"What?" she blinks. In full flow, Felicia-style, and stopped dead. It's so unlike her.
"Your crush. Is on me?"
"…Yes?" she says. And that's not Felicia. That's a little voice, full of fear. Because she has never, ever breathed a word of this ever ever before, because Jensen would totally have noticed.
(Sidenote: Jensen's mom, and his best buddy after Flee, and his aunt, and his brother, and the sweetshop guy, and the taco stand owner, and about thirty other people in the last decade have all said they make a lovely couple. But they know nothing, and Jensen could never have foreseen this. Clear?)
"Oh, Flee," he says. "I'm sorry." And almost loses her forever, except he really is better at some of the phys ed stuff, and he grabs her arm before she eels away. "I mean, fuck, I was so dumb when I suggested we couple up just to stay in contact. But I've been thinking we could do that for real. We totally should do that. You and me, and the universe is our oyster?"
He feels her relax under his hand. She's not running. She's not laughing. He might relax just a tiny part even before he sees her face.
Not that she's transformed, or miraculously perfect and unlike herself. She's Felicia Fucking Day, and Jensen never wants to lose her.
"You know," she says, "We could be horribly incompatible. The sex could be awful."
"We should check that out," he answers. Because that's also Felicia, right? Feel the fear, do it anyway, and triumph for sure. "And if it’s awful, joint assignment, right? Because I am not going another week without speaking to you." He's pretty sure the sex will not be awful. They haven't even kissed, but he's so sure he wants her, it feels completely logical to be confident it'll all work out.
It's 11.32 am, and they're heading for Jensen's dormroom. They've abandoned Cosmos' cups half full, a crime against financial prudence and (yeah, okay) good coffee. Their first kiss is in a stairwell of Gamma Hall, when they can't wait any longer to find out if it really sucks. They're really pretty eager, considering thirteen years of not even thinking of this as a possibility, at least on Jensen's side.
It doesn't suck at all. Felicia's the perfect height, the perfect fit, the perfect taste. Jensen's hard off just that one kiss. Insane. "My place is closer," she says, and that seems relevant.
"So, I'm not a virgin," she adds, in the elevator. "In case you were worried."
"Seriously?" He blinks at her. "How did I miss that?"
"I didn't want you to know." She shrugs. "It seemed important to get some experience of one of life's big physical events before I shipped out. Even if it wasn't going to be-" you, she doesn't quite add. Because now it is going to be Jensen. Whoa.
"Was it okay?" Because Jensen never actually thought of Felicia as sexual before this week, and clearly he's an idiot, but he still hates the idea of some randomer fucking her for a project.
"Yeah," she says, "They were good guys."
Uh. Jensen takes a moment to process that. The plural, and more importantly the hot wave of jealousy that some guys gave Felicia a good time. Which, you know, he's still a friend. It's good that it was good. And he's really not a virgin himself. (As Felicia knows, in pretty much Technicolor. He told her everything. Jensen totally deserves suffering a flash of jealousy, compared with that oblivious performance, right? And really, what happens after this is more important. What if he's not good?)
But she's wrapped around Jensen, and they're kissing. So, this is absolutely more important. He keeps having those moments of dissonance, even as they get inside, move through kissing to removal of clothes, to touch and taste and sinking into each other. Is this real? Is this how Felicia feels against his face? (Yes, it is, and the kick to the back of his head when he pauses is so like her.) Is this his dick he's watching, being enveloped by Felicia as she sinks down on him, pauses, and then grins, with a little flourish? Like, ta-dah! Most definitely. And it makes him grin up at her even as he fights not to roll his eyes back in his head and just go with the supple strength of her riding him.
Damn. This really is them.
After he comes too fast and gets her off hard in apology and there is some hair pulling and laughter and sweat, he's breathing into her hair, and she's giving these little pleased moans as the last ripples of post-orgasm slip away. It's probably not even one pm, and her dormmate on the right totally threw a shoe at the wall a while back, and Jensen still failed astromath which has fucked up their future plans somewhat.
But. "I'm thinking," he says, "That your shared assignment plan was okay. But mine's better."
Declaring a couple before a deep space voyage is a hell of a thing. It means they'll be together for a damn long time, if not forever. But, really, why wouldn't Jensen be glad about that?
***
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Date: 2014-04-13 10:57 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2014-04-14 03:33 pm (UTC)Gah, I was uber excited to see that you selected this prompt and then it was just SO GOOD. Gah. I love, love, love, Jensen's inner monologue/narration, and how you quickly brought us up to speed with their long friendship and the situation they were in - IN SPACE! - and then how it all comes together to work just right. Ugh, so good, and I loved both of them, pulling in parts of the fanon characterization while presenting us a fresher version.
LOVE YOU FOR THIS! And I love these two a ton as well ♥
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Date: 2014-04-14 04:03 pm (UTC)And "Felicia Fucking Day!"
Well done!
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Date: 2014-04-24 06:12 pm (UTC)So, hetfic RPF and me, this is a thing. Glad you liked it! And I weirdly like this pairing, btw. Or maybe it's just I like writing Felicia (as Vi, at least) and Jensen (...yes), so it felt pretty easy to put them together for a short thing,
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Date: 2014-04-24 06:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-04-24 06:14 pm (UTC)(Heh.)
I'm so glad you enjoyed it, though. And I kind of love these two together. Maybe not always as a couple, but I should write Felicia in RPF more, for sure.
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Date: 2014-04-24 06:15 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2014-04-24 06:19 pm (UTC)So, uh, me. I'm so, so glad you enjoyed this! It was this pairing that I would probably never have planned to write, but given the prompt they got all inside my brain. Which is my favourite way to write, so THANK YOU for the inspiration.
(I used to write Felicia's Buffy character quite a bit, so it was *excellent* to have a reason to make me think of her in RPF. She's definitely starring again now my eyes are opened to her excellence.)
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Date: 2014-04-24 06:26 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2014-04-24 06:28 pm (UTC)(Sidenote: secretly beaming with pleasure, trying to be cool.)
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Date: 2014-04-24 06:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-04-24 10:21 pm (UTC)*not*
LOL, I KNEW it was you! \o/ (And yes, we definitely need more Felicia from you.)
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Date: 2015-03-25 04:36 pm (UTC)