Denial by biffelderberry for be_my_precious

[springflingmod.livejournal.com]

Title: Denial
Pairing: Sam/Lucifer
Rating: Teen

The problem with being a Winchester was that they never died completely. See for most people death was easy enough. It came inevitably at a normal or accelerated pace and left them with no choice but to move on. For Sam and Dean Winchester however that was not the norm. And the problem with coming back from the dead was that you never got to leave the past behind. Not really.

"I'm boreeddd," Lucifer whined. Sam dutifully ignored him. He knew that Lucifer wasn't really there, that it was all just some vestigial remnant from dying.

Of course is it really dying when you get locked in a cage with two archangels?

"Pay attention to me," Lucifer demanded.

Sam continued to ignore him.

It wasn't fair, not really. Sam had tried so hard to be the righteous one. He had tried to live a normal life, a good life. He had never wanted to wallow in the death, destruction, and misery that surrounded him. He was the one that believed in good, in god, in angels.

And yet he was the one who was cursed by a demon. Who drank demon blood. Who was the vessel of the devil himself.

How was that right?

"You think too much," Lucifer commented getting up from the chair he had been sitting in. He walked around Sam who continued to ignore his presence.

He chuckled slightly when Sam flinched as Lucifer wrapped his arms around his shoulders.

"See you can't ignore me," Lucifer whispered in Sam's ear, "I'm always here in the back of your mind."

Sam looked straight forward, ignoring the ghostly feel of the hallucination touching him. He knew that Lucifer was right. While he might one day manage to get Lucifer out of his mind, he would never get away from the darkness that plagued him.

And that bothered him even more than the devil who was currently nibbling at his earlobe.

It would be all too easy to give in, to let Lucifer win. Or the demons. Or the Leviathans. Whichever monster they were fighting at the moment. Hell it would be easy to give up and join them. To help them destroy the world, and cause murder and mayhem.

"You're doing it again," Lucifer commented, rubbing a hand across Sam's chest.

Sam took a breath, started to reply, and stopped himself. He couldn't acknowledge Lucifer. He knew that much. If he ever wanted to get better. He just had to continue to survive, to convince Dean and Bobby that he was fine.

Lucifer chuckled in his ear before stepping away from Sam. That moment, that little breath, was all that was needed to confirm what he wanted. Sam was still his, even if just in his mind.

"You know you love me," Lucifer smirked, hopping back up on the desk he had been sitting on.

And that truly was the problem. Sam loved the release, he loved getting to be bad, to wallow in the darkness. But he could never admit it, not even to himself.