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spn_springflingTitle: Do You Still Believe In Love, I Wonder
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Any warnings: vague Season 9 spoilers
“Are you okay?”
Jensen is still standing there, alone in the bunker’s kitchen, when Jared comes back onto the set. Sam had left Dean there and headed off to his bedroom; that was a minute ago, at least. The crew is bustling and busy in the other corner, taking down the circus and relocating to another part of the set so they can film the next scene. Usually Jensen would be joking around with the crew or looking for Jared so they could take a break together, maybe run some lines. Instead he’s right where Sam had left Dean, after saying the words that were guaranteed to cut his brother’s heart out.
“Jensen?”
For a moment when Jensen looks up, there’s so much grief and hurt in his eyes that it takes Jared’s breath away. Sam had turned away before absorbing the full impact of Dean’s emotions, but the pain is still right there on Jensen’s face.
Jared crosses the room to stand closer, instinctively reaching out to put a hand on his friend’s shoulder.
“Hey man, you with me?”
Jensen startles, then nods his head quickly, shaking the scene off. “Yeah, sorry. Just – that was a tough one. This story line, it’s taking a lot. Out of Dean, I mean.”
Jared tightens his grip for a second before letting go. “Yeah, it is. You wanna grab a beer if we wrap early enough? It’s Monday, we at least have a prayer of being done before midnight.”
That brings a smile, and Jared returns it, relieved. “Sure, sounds good.”
There’s only one more scene to film, but Jared finds himself more eager than usual to be done. Now that he’s seen the impact of Sam’s words on Jensen, Jared cringes every time he has to portray Sam’s anger at his brother. He understands his character – they both do – but knowing why Sam is upset with Dean and wanting to hurt him doesn’t make seeing the pain on Jensen’s face (he can’t help thinking about it that way) any easier.
Jared practically runs to the make-up trailer once he’s wrapped, ready to take off Sam and get back to being Jared. Jensen is slower to follow. Now that he knows what to look for, Jared notices the way Jensen sinks into the chair with a sigh, brow still creased with worry.
“You still up for that drink?”
For a second, it looks like Jensen will say no. As Jeannie scrubs the make-up off his face, the dark circles under his eyes become visible. Jared wonders why he hasn’t noticed before.
“Sure, yeah.”
“Good, because I already let Gen know she could put the kids to bed.”
Jensen huffs a tired laugh. “Well, we don’t want to waste the opportunity then, do we?”
Jeannie wipes the last of the make-up off Jensen’s face and takes the towel off him.
“Go ahead then,” she smiles. “Have some fun – looks like you both need it.”
“Gee thanks,” Jensen says, frowning, but the crinkles at the corner of his eyes give away his appreciation for her concern. It’s true, Jared thinks. We really do.
They go to a bar on Burrard that was one of their favorite places during Season 1, when they were new to the show and each other, and they didn’t dare hope for more than one year. Neither of them had played a character with a brother, and the intensity of the Winchesters’ love for each other had bled through as they threw themselves into the roles, until it seemed like Jared and Jensen were brothers too. They backed each other up in bar fights, had each other’s backs when one was too wasted to do a proper interview, laughed when they held each other up and stumbled back to Jensen’s hotel in the wee hours of the morning.
“We’re not really brothers, you know,” Jensen had said one night when they were making their way down a side street, arms slung around each other’s shoulders, and Jared had tilted his head at just the right time to see the look on Jensen’s face when he said it. There hadn’t been any question in his mind what that meant, and it was easy, so easy, to tilt his head a little further and put his mouth on Jensen’s. Jared had been drunk, but he remembered that first time as vividly today as almost a decade ago. How soft Jensen’s lips were, as plump as they looked (and Jared realized then that he’d been looking). How firm Jensen’s body was when they pushed closer, muscled even though he was slim, hard where Jared was too. Jensen had laughed when he put his hand on Jared’s dick for the first time, big eyes rolling.
“Shit, you really are proportional,” he’d said, and it seemed so funny right then, the two of them grappling and groping at each other like teenagers, falling through the door of Jensen’s hotel suite and onto his couch and never managing to take their pants off, it all happened so quickly.
They never talked about it, and mostly it only happened when they drank too much, but it was good. Even now, Jared remembers how good it was, how sometimes they’d just kiss and that was enough. He wonders what it says about them, that sometimes it wasn’t really about getting off at all.
“Earth to Jared,” Jensen’s voice says, and Jared snaps back to the present, blushing suddenly.
“Uh, sorry.” He takes a gulp of margarita, willing away the flush that’s risen to his cheeks.
“What were you thinking?” Jensen asks, and he’s got that look on his face, the one that says he knows Jared too well after all these years.
“Nothing,” Jared lies anyway, because what can he say? I was thinking about that time we made out for hours in your hotel suite, you pressed up against the window and the lights of the city all spread out behind us, but all I could see was how beautiful you looked. Shit, that’s the last thing Jensen needs to hear.
“Right,” Jensen says skeptically, but he drops it like Jared knew he would. Jared feels a brief pang of disappointment, and pushes it away.
“So do you wanna talk about it? About this character bleed thing you’ve got going on?”
Jensen shakes his head. “I’ll get a handle on it. It’s just never been this bad between Sam and Dean, I don’t think. I mean, sure, they’re constantly butting heads, but it’s never been – there’s never been any doubt that they’re brothers, you know?”
Jared nods. “I know. It’s getting so those hurtful words are hard to say, even though I get why Sam needs to say them.”
“Did you read the next script? Dean’s in such a goddamn dark place, and it looks like he’s just gonna get darker and darker. Danneel’s having to give me a therapy session every weekend.”
“Well, if you need one on the weekdays, lemme know.”
Jensen smiles then. “Yeah? Like you used to give me neck massages when I got all tense before a scene in season one. Even though you had no clue how to give a massage?”
“Hey, I tried,” Jared protests, and it’s good to see Jensen smile like that.
“Too bad you have the hands of a gorilla,” Jensen teases, “I’m lucky I got away with my life.”
“You loved it,” Jared teases back, and they’re both grinning now, the alcohol blurring the rest of the day into a pleasant buzz.
“Yeah, I sorta did,” Jensen admits, knocking back the rest of his margarita.
“Well, any time.”
“Thanks, man.”
They’re interrupted by the bartender, wanting to know if they’ll have another. In unison, they shake their heads.
“Early call tomorrow,” Jared explains, biting back a flash of annoyance. He would have liked to stay a little longer.
Jensen seems looser than Jared’s seen him in a while, though. He slaps Jared on the back as they part ways, headed back to their respective apartments. “See you tomorrow.”
* * *
Filming their scenes in the spinoff episode in Chicago a month later is a treat. Sam and Dean haven’t exactly gotten back on track – in fact, there have been more painful exchanges, more words that can’t be taken back. Jared can’t help but notice now, how much of Dean bleeds into Jensen after those scenes, how long it takes him to bounce back. There’s a defensive coldness to Dean now that isn’t usually there – even Sam knows that it’s partly the Mark of Cain, but Jared finds himself flinching when he hears it, so accustomed to warmth in Dean’s voice when he’s speaking to Sam. There’s no time to find that warmth with Jensen either, shooting running later and later as the end of the season looms and both of them busy on weekends with growing families. Jared misses it; he thinks Jensen does too.
Their scenes in ‘Bloodlines’ are brief, and there’s a sense that this isn’t their show, this one is on someone else’s shoulders. It’s freeing, even more when Bob and Jim wave them off the location shoot with a smile hours earlier than they expected.
“Remember that bar we found the first Chicago con, where they had those great margaritas?” Jared asks as they climb into the transport SUV.
The smile that breaks across Jensen’s face is like the sun coming out even though it’s cold and windy. “Oh yeah.”
The margaritas are as good as they remember. Everything offered up is as good as they remember.
“When was the last time it was just you and me in another city?” Jensen asks with a lopsided grin. His eyes are glassy, too bright.
“Kinda nice to be out of Vancouver,” Jared says. It means more than that, but he won’t say it. Neither of them will.
“Yeah,” Jensen agrees. He runs his tongue around the lip of his glass, licks at the salt crystals where they’ve stuck to his bottom lip. Jared’s eyes are stuck there too.
“Wanna head back to the hotel?” Jared asks, and the words come out gruff, pitched way too low.
Jensen just nods, the crinkles around his eyes deepening as he smiles. They stop at a 7-11 because Jared is hungry and Doritos seem like the best idea ever. Someone recognizes them as they’re mock fighting over cool ranch or original, and goddamn if they don’t snap a picture.
“At least you look all GQ in that leather jacket and scarf combo,” Jared giggles.
“You have a scarf on too, asshole,” Jensen complains. They buy both bags of Doritos.
Jared slings an arm around Jensen as they walk toward the hotel, and it feels like old times, like a lifetime ago, like Sam and Dean when they first hit the road together from Stanford.
“You comin’ in?” Jared doesn’t think it sounds too hopeful.
“You don’t think I’m letting you eat all those Doritos yourself,” Jensen retorts, and shoves at Jared’s shoulder. “C’mon, open the damn door.”
They sit on the couch, each with an open bag of Doritos and a beer.
“Uh, you wanna watch the game or something?” Jared asks, though he has no clue what game is on.
“Isn’t that a line from the Christmas episode?” Jensen’s got a goofy smile on his face. He looks messed up, and about ten years old, and Jared has fucking missed this.
“You do know we’re not really brothers,” Jared says softly, like that’s somehow the most important thing to remember here, and sees the moment it registers.
Jensen’s mouth is just as plump as Jared remembers. He makes the same hurt sound when Jared bites his bottom lip, and shifts closer on the couch when Jared’s arms come around his shoulders, slide down to his hips and pull him closer still.
“C’mon,” Jared growls, and Jensen’s practically on his lap, Jared’s dick straining in his jeans as it rubs up against Jensen’s ass, and god, it’s good. Jared’s hands curve perfectly around the cheeks of Jensen’s ass, pulling him apart roughly, nails catching on the denim, and Jensen groans into his mouth.
“Jared,” he gasps, and bucks his hips forward, trying to get some friction. Jared moves one hand to the front, cups the bulge of Jensen’s cock and squeezes just to hear Jensen wheeze out a strangled “oomph” and push desperately against Jared’s fingers.
“Fuck, that’s so hot,” Jared says, mouthing along Jensen’s jaw, still rough with Dean’s stubble. He fumbles for the buckle of Jensen’s belt and Jensen’s hands come down to help, yanking his own jeans open so Jared can pull him out. Jensen’s cock feels just the same, swells just the same in Jared’s hand, slick and hot and twitching with eagerness.
“Please,” Jared grits out, and Jensen doesn’t need more words than that, reaching behind himself to find Jared’s zipper and tug it down.
It’s embarrassing how close to coming he is already, but Jared fights it back, wants this to last because who knows when they’ll have this again. But Jensen is bouncing on his lap, thrusting his dick through the circle of Jared’s fist, and he looks so frantic that Jared can’t turn away, can’t help but watch as Jensen grimaces and gasps through his climax, and that’s too much for Jared not to join him.
It’s almost 6 am when Jared wakes up again. He’s sticky and his head hurts, and Jensen is asleep half underneath him, the two of them still crammed onto the hotel couch.
“Hey,” Jared says softly, trying to wake Jensen as gently as possible.
“Hey yourself,” Jensen says, octaves lower than even Dean.
“I should go shower, we’re getting picked up at 7.”
Jensen shifts reluctantly, nearly falling off the couch. His eyes are still a little glassy under drooping lids. “Yeah, okay.”
Jared gets to his feet and snaps his jeans, then impulsively drops to his knees next to the couch.
“You know Sam loves Dean, right?”
Jensen’s brow furrows in confusion. “Um. Yeah.”
Jared nods. “Good. I just – just remember that, okay?”
The lines in Jensen’s forehead smooth out, and a soft smile turns up the corners of his mouth. He reaches out and brushes his fingers over Jared’s cheek.
“I will,” he says, and Jared smiles and stands up, collecting his jacket and scarf. He has his hand on the door handle when Jensen says his name.
“Jared?”
“Yeah?”
“You know it goes both ways, right?”
Jared can feel the blush prickle up his neck. He turns away before Jensen can see it.
“Yeah,” he says. “I know.”
Fin
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Any warnings: vague Season 9 spoilers
“Are you okay?”
Jensen is still standing there, alone in the bunker’s kitchen, when Jared comes back onto the set. Sam had left Dean there and headed off to his bedroom; that was a minute ago, at least. The crew is bustling and busy in the other corner, taking down the circus and relocating to another part of the set so they can film the next scene. Usually Jensen would be joking around with the crew or looking for Jared so they could take a break together, maybe run some lines. Instead he’s right where Sam had left Dean, after saying the words that were guaranteed to cut his brother’s heart out.
“Jensen?”
For a moment when Jensen looks up, there’s so much grief and hurt in his eyes that it takes Jared’s breath away. Sam had turned away before absorbing the full impact of Dean’s emotions, but the pain is still right there on Jensen’s face.
Jared crosses the room to stand closer, instinctively reaching out to put a hand on his friend’s shoulder.
“Hey man, you with me?”
Jensen startles, then nods his head quickly, shaking the scene off. “Yeah, sorry. Just – that was a tough one. This story line, it’s taking a lot. Out of Dean, I mean.”
Jared tightens his grip for a second before letting go. “Yeah, it is. You wanna grab a beer if we wrap early enough? It’s Monday, we at least have a prayer of being done before midnight.”
That brings a smile, and Jared returns it, relieved. “Sure, sounds good.”
There’s only one more scene to film, but Jared finds himself more eager than usual to be done. Now that he’s seen the impact of Sam’s words on Jensen, Jared cringes every time he has to portray Sam’s anger at his brother. He understands his character – they both do – but knowing why Sam is upset with Dean and wanting to hurt him doesn’t make seeing the pain on Jensen’s face (he can’t help thinking about it that way) any easier.
Jared practically runs to the make-up trailer once he’s wrapped, ready to take off Sam and get back to being Jared. Jensen is slower to follow. Now that he knows what to look for, Jared notices the way Jensen sinks into the chair with a sigh, brow still creased with worry.
“You still up for that drink?”
For a second, it looks like Jensen will say no. As Jeannie scrubs the make-up off his face, the dark circles under his eyes become visible. Jared wonders why he hasn’t noticed before.
“Sure, yeah.”
“Good, because I already let Gen know she could put the kids to bed.”
Jensen huffs a tired laugh. “Well, we don’t want to waste the opportunity then, do we?”
Jeannie wipes the last of the make-up off Jensen’s face and takes the towel off him.
“Go ahead then,” she smiles. “Have some fun – looks like you both need it.”
“Gee thanks,” Jensen says, frowning, but the crinkles at the corner of his eyes give away his appreciation for her concern. It’s true, Jared thinks. We really do.
They go to a bar on Burrard that was one of their favorite places during Season 1, when they were new to the show and each other, and they didn’t dare hope for more than one year. Neither of them had played a character with a brother, and the intensity of the Winchesters’ love for each other had bled through as they threw themselves into the roles, until it seemed like Jared and Jensen were brothers too. They backed each other up in bar fights, had each other’s backs when one was too wasted to do a proper interview, laughed when they held each other up and stumbled back to Jensen’s hotel in the wee hours of the morning.
“We’re not really brothers, you know,” Jensen had said one night when they were making their way down a side street, arms slung around each other’s shoulders, and Jared had tilted his head at just the right time to see the look on Jensen’s face when he said it. There hadn’t been any question in his mind what that meant, and it was easy, so easy, to tilt his head a little further and put his mouth on Jensen’s. Jared had been drunk, but he remembered that first time as vividly today as almost a decade ago. How soft Jensen’s lips were, as plump as they looked (and Jared realized then that he’d been looking). How firm Jensen’s body was when they pushed closer, muscled even though he was slim, hard where Jared was too. Jensen had laughed when he put his hand on Jared’s dick for the first time, big eyes rolling.
“Shit, you really are proportional,” he’d said, and it seemed so funny right then, the two of them grappling and groping at each other like teenagers, falling through the door of Jensen’s hotel suite and onto his couch and never managing to take their pants off, it all happened so quickly.
They never talked about it, and mostly it only happened when they drank too much, but it was good. Even now, Jared remembers how good it was, how sometimes they’d just kiss and that was enough. He wonders what it says about them, that sometimes it wasn’t really about getting off at all.
“Earth to Jared,” Jensen’s voice says, and Jared snaps back to the present, blushing suddenly.
“Uh, sorry.” He takes a gulp of margarita, willing away the flush that’s risen to his cheeks.
“What were you thinking?” Jensen asks, and he’s got that look on his face, the one that says he knows Jared too well after all these years.
“Nothing,” Jared lies anyway, because what can he say? I was thinking about that time we made out for hours in your hotel suite, you pressed up against the window and the lights of the city all spread out behind us, but all I could see was how beautiful you looked. Shit, that’s the last thing Jensen needs to hear.
“Right,” Jensen says skeptically, but he drops it like Jared knew he would. Jared feels a brief pang of disappointment, and pushes it away.
“So do you wanna talk about it? About this character bleed thing you’ve got going on?”
Jensen shakes his head. “I’ll get a handle on it. It’s just never been this bad between Sam and Dean, I don’t think. I mean, sure, they’re constantly butting heads, but it’s never been – there’s never been any doubt that they’re brothers, you know?”
Jared nods. “I know. It’s getting so those hurtful words are hard to say, even though I get why Sam needs to say them.”
“Did you read the next script? Dean’s in such a goddamn dark place, and it looks like he’s just gonna get darker and darker. Danneel’s having to give me a therapy session every weekend.”
“Well, if you need one on the weekdays, lemme know.”
Jensen smiles then. “Yeah? Like you used to give me neck massages when I got all tense before a scene in season one. Even though you had no clue how to give a massage?”
“Hey, I tried,” Jared protests, and it’s good to see Jensen smile like that.
“Too bad you have the hands of a gorilla,” Jensen teases, “I’m lucky I got away with my life.”
“You loved it,” Jared teases back, and they’re both grinning now, the alcohol blurring the rest of the day into a pleasant buzz.
“Yeah, I sorta did,” Jensen admits, knocking back the rest of his margarita.
“Well, any time.”
“Thanks, man.”
They’re interrupted by the bartender, wanting to know if they’ll have another. In unison, they shake their heads.
“Early call tomorrow,” Jared explains, biting back a flash of annoyance. He would have liked to stay a little longer.
Jensen seems looser than Jared’s seen him in a while, though. He slaps Jared on the back as they part ways, headed back to their respective apartments. “See you tomorrow.”
* * *
Filming their scenes in the spinoff episode in Chicago a month later is a treat. Sam and Dean haven’t exactly gotten back on track – in fact, there have been more painful exchanges, more words that can’t be taken back. Jared can’t help but notice now, how much of Dean bleeds into Jensen after those scenes, how long it takes him to bounce back. There’s a defensive coldness to Dean now that isn’t usually there – even Sam knows that it’s partly the Mark of Cain, but Jared finds himself flinching when he hears it, so accustomed to warmth in Dean’s voice when he’s speaking to Sam. There’s no time to find that warmth with Jensen either, shooting running later and later as the end of the season looms and both of them busy on weekends with growing families. Jared misses it; he thinks Jensen does too.
Their scenes in ‘Bloodlines’ are brief, and there’s a sense that this isn’t their show, this one is on someone else’s shoulders. It’s freeing, even more when Bob and Jim wave them off the location shoot with a smile hours earlier than they expected.
“Remember that bar we found the first Chicago con, where they had those great margaritas?” Jared asks as they climb into the transport SUV.
The smile that breaks across Jensen’s face is like the sun coming out even though it’s cold and windy. “Oh yeah.”
The margaritas are as good as they remember. Everything offered up is as good as they remember.
“When was the last time it was just you and me in another city?” Jensen asks with a lopsided grin. His eyes are glassy, too bright.
“Kinda nice to be out of Vancouver,” Jared says. It means more than that, but he won’t say it. Neither of them will.
“Yeah,” Jensen agrees. He runs his tongue around the lip of his glass, licks at the salt crystals where they’ve stuck to his bottom lip. Jared’s eyes are stuck there too.
“Wanna head back to the hotel?” Jared asks, and the words come out gruff, pitched way too low.
Jensen just nods, the crinkles around his eyes deepening as he smiles. They stop at a 7-11 because Jared is hungry and Doritos seem like the best idea ever. Someone recognizes them as they’re mock fighting over cool ranch or original, and goddamn if they don’t snap a picture.
“At least you look all GQ in that leather jacket and scarf combo,” Jared giggles.
“You have a scarf on too, asshole,” Jensen complains. They buy both bags of Doritos.
Jared slings an arm around Jensen as they walk toward the hotel, and it feels like old times, like a lifetime ago, like Sam and Dean when they first hit the road together from Stanford.
“You comin’ in?” Jared doesn’t think it sounds too hopeful.
“You don’t think I’m letting you eat all those Doritos yourself,” Jensen retorts, and shoves at Jared’s shoulder. “C’mon, open the damn door.”
They sit on the couch, each with an open bag of Doritos and a beer.
“Uh, you wanna watch the game or something?” Jared asks, though he has no clue what game is on.
“Isn’t that a line from the Christmas episode?” Jensen’s got a goofy smile on his face. He looks messed up, and about ten years old, and Jared has fucking missed this.
“You do know we’re not really brothers,” Jared says softly, like that’s somehow the most important thing to remember here, and sees the moment it registers.
Jensen’s mouth is just as plump as Jared remembers. He makes the same hurt sound when Jared bites his bottom lip, and shifts closer on the couch when Jared’s arms come around his shoulders, slide down to his hips and pull him closer still.
“C’mon,” Jared growls, and Jensen’s practically on his lap, Jared’s dick straining in his jeans as it rubs up against Jensen’s ass, and god, it’s good. Jared’s hands curve perfectly around the cheeks of Jensen’s ass, pulling him apart roughly, nails catching on the denim, and Jensen groans into his mouth.
“Jared,” he gasps, and bucks his hips forward, trying to get some friction. Jared moves one hand to the front, cups the bulge of Jensen’s cock and squeezes just to hear Jensen wheeze out a strangled “oomph” and push desperately against Jared’s fingers.
“Fuck, that’s so hot,” Jared says, mouthing along Jensen’s jaw, still rough with Dean’s stubble. He fumbles for the buckle of Jensen’s belt and Jensen’s hands come down to help, yanking his own jeans open so Jared can pull him out. Jensen’s cock feels just the same, swells just the same in Jared’s hand, slick and hot and twitching with eagerness.
“Please,” Jared grits out, and Jensen doesn’t need more words than that, reaching behind himself to find Jared’s zipper and tug it down.
It’s embarrassing how close to coming he is already, but Jared fights it back, wants this to last because who knows when they’ll have this again. But Jensen is bouncing on his lap, thrusting his dick through the circle of Jared’s fist, and he looks so frantic that Jared can’t turn away, can’t help but watch as Jensen grimaces and gasps through his climax, and that’s too much for Jared not to join him.
It’s almost 6 am when Jared wakes up again. He’s sticky and his head hurts, and Jensen is asleep half underneath him, the two of them still crammed onto the hotel couch.
“Hey,” Jared says softly, trying to wake Jensen as gently as possible.
“Hey yourself,” Jensen says, octaves lower than even Dean.
“I should go shower, we’re getting picked up at 7.”
Jensen shifts reluctantly, nearly falling off the couch. His eyes are still a little glassy under drooping lids. “Yeah, okay.”
Jared gets to his feet and snaps his jeans, then impulsively drops to his knees next to the couch.
“You know Sam loves Dean, right?”
Jensen’s brow furrows in confusion. “Um. Yeah.”
Jared nods. “Good. I just – just remember that, okay?”
The lines in Jensen’s forehead smooth out, and a soft smile turns up the corners of his mouth. He reaches out and brushes his fingers over Jared’s cheek.
“I will,” he says, and Jared smiles and stands up, collecting his jacket and scarf. He has his hand on the door handle when Jensen says his name.
“Jared?”
“Yeah?”
“You know it goes both ways, right?”
Jared can feel the blush prickle up his neck. He turns away before Jensen can see it.
“Yeah,” he says. “I know.”
Fin
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Date: 2014-04-09 01:59 pm (UTC)I don't usually read non-au but that was...wow
All the feels and...wow.
My heart hurts but I like : ) x
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Date: 2014-04-09 10:15 pm (UTC)That one's going to stick with me.
:)
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Date: 2014-04-10 04:13 am (UTC)I like how the little details get the attention so we know the subtle cues that Jared is seeing in between all the things that happen.
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Date: 2014-04-12 10:36 am (UTC)“You do know we’re not really brothers,” ♥ ♥ love, so very much.
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Date: 2014-04-25 03:09 am (UTC)Glad you liked, bb!
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