Lowest Frequency by peas_fics for <user site="livejournal.com"

[springflingmod.livejournal.com]

Title: Lowest Frequency
Characters: Sam & Gadreel gen
Rating: G
Warnings: possession

Sam brushes off the Men of Letters map and looks down at the field of play.

Anywhere. They could be anywhere. Sam thinks of Cas on the run, somewhere, anywhere, another vulnerable speck on some gigantic cosmic table.

Castiel will be fine, Sam hears himself think, then quells a sudden flash of guilt for this inexplicable lack of worry.

You fear for your friend. Sam scrubs his eyes. You need not. He is much more resourceful than we are.

Cas is pretty tough. Still…

He is, Sam.

Great, now I’m talking to myself. “Losing my fucking mind.” Again.

Do not worry.

And Sam’s mind fills with uncanny peace.

Not about that.

Sam slides his hand toward his pocketknife and shoots out of his chair. “Where are you?”

I am not there.

Sam backs up to the bookcase. It won’t let him put his back against the wall.

In here.

The library turns golden green, then sepia, then pale yellow. Sam’s neck cracks a little as he nods at something; is that a yes? Dean asks, as if Sam could say anything else, and then dissolves into blue before Sam can ask to what.

Sam shakes his head and turns around, but he’s forgotten what book he needed. He runs his hand through his hair and regrets thinking he’d been ready to get out of bed, just a couple short weeks after several long months lurking in the bushes around death’s porch.

He stands up straighter, flexes his fingers and curls them into fists, as if to prove himself wrong. See? You’re getting better already.

It’s a relief, if a weird one. Good weird. Let it go.

Sam tries to pull his mind out of the patchwork of worries that seem to be distracting him – demons, angels, hostile and incompetent hunters, global warming, monsters indigenous to this dimension – and pick one.

Angels are the only game that’s changed. It should be easier to focus.

You should not bother yourself with the Host.

The sunset burns all too bright and all too blue, and Sam feels a sensation too familiar to recognize. Someone else, weeds springing wild from every fold of his brain.

He rubs his palm, out of habit if nothing else.

I am not my brother, the interloper says, and this much is true, Sam can tell (he thinks). This influence is hesitant and imprecise; it lacks Lucifer’s deceptive gentleness and laser-focused brutality.

Who are you, then?

The clock ticks twice.

You can call me Ezekiel.

That’s not what I asked, Sam thinks in a part of his mind Ezekiel hasn’t appeared in, yet.

Sam adds a half a dozen tabs to the map on the table, but fails to fill the silence in the bunker.

“Angel tracking,” he says out loud. How did I not think of this before?

You did, he hears and jumps.

“Dean?” he calls.

No.

Sam reaches for his pocketknife and finds an empty pocket. Crap, how’d I lose it?

You didn’t. It’s at the other end of the table.

Sam reaches for the knife and resolutely does not thank his subconscious.

Sam finishes cleaning his knife and puts it away.

It was a good idea. But I’m afraid I can’t let you do it.

”What was?”

Sam rubs his eyes and reaches for the ghost of an idea.

Comments

[chomaisky.livejournal.com]

I wish we could have this in the show... Great job!

[vyperdd.livejournal.com]

Wow, that packed a punch!!! What a fantastic and troubling insight into Sam's mind during what had to have been a very stressful time, knowing something wasn't right but not being able to pinpoint the reason.

I really like how you left things very subtle and yet still was able to follow what was happening.

[jalu2.livejournal.com]

Ooh this is so great. I feel like we still managed to miss out on so much potential when it came to Gadreel, so you've given a great, great other potential to the entire storyline. I loved it!

[frozen_delight]

Wow, this was amazing! I wish there was more Sam & Gadreel fic like this one. This is such a great look at Sam's headspace, how he notices Gadreel's presence, how it scares him, and how Gadreel slowly takes control over his mind.
All the kudos to you, dear mystery author!

[colls]

Wonderfully creepy, the unease and fear of his own mind is so unsettling.

[marciaelena.livejournal.com]

Possession is such a disturbing thing, and Sam's suffered it three times already, the poor guy. This was creepy and very well done.

[de-nugis.livejournal.com]

Oh, mystery author, this is wonderful. I love the dissolving fragmentation of it, Gadreel's eerie, elusive, treacherously benign presence, the glimpses of the things Gadreel, from his own POV, needs to believe (that he's totally not like Lucifer, that Castiel will survive outside the bunker) and his underlying insecurities, the way Sam instinctively works with the invasion of his mind as a function of his mind in ways reminiscent of Hallucifer. I love the touches of ordinariness (global warming in there among Sam's worries) and your beautiful turns of phrase ("Someone else, weeds springing wild from every fold of his brain").

This is beautiful work, and I'm so grateful to you for writing it for me. Thank you!

[deirdre-c.livejournal.com]

Lovely and poetic and so Sam all the way through.

Love this phrase: weeds springing wild from every fold of his brain.

I loved Sam's Hallucifer battle and this one feels much like it, but unique unto to itself, as it should be. Great job!

[madebyme-x.livejournal.com]

Beautiful and chilling to read! It would have been great to see more of these issues explored in the show.

Thank you for sharing :)

[road-rhythm.livejournal.com]

An interesting, wispy-elusive glimpse of what S9 might have been like for Sam, equal parts delicate and disturbing. It's criminal that neither character ever got any of this on the show.

It was a good idea. But I’m afraid I can’t let you do it.

”What was?”

Sam rubs his eyes and reaches for the ghost of an idea.

Ohhhhhhh, ow.

[thursdaysisters.livejournal.com]

Oh very good, I love when angels are written smart and noble and complete brain fascists :-)

[quickreaver.livejournal.com]

This is so creepy and smart and bittersweet. Beautiful job!

[sophiap.livejournal.com]

This is wonderful! Poor Sam... I wish we had see something like this on the show. I love how you portrayed Gadreel's influence and meddling. The descriptions were gorgeous but so sad.

[troll-la-la.livejournal.com]

This showed the horror of that possession in a way that show probably could not. The alterations to memory and that bit of awareness on Sam's part made it all the worse. Such an effective read!

[zara-zee.livejournal.com]

This was intriguing and definitely something I would've liked to see explored in Show. Nicely done. :)

[theymp.livejournal.com]

Like several other commenters, I would have liked to have seen more of something like this as part of the show - I liked the way you compared and contrasted with Lucifer, and Gadreel's obvious offence at that comparison!

[tipsy-kitty.livejournal.com]

That was haunting, loved it.

[keep-waking-up.livejournal.com]

God, poor Sam. I think this makes me have even more sympathy for him. *hugs him close* MY POOR BB

[fiercelynormal.livejournal.com]

I love the inner dialogue between Sam and Gadreel, how he keeps reaching for the answers and they're dwindling away as Gadreel takes over more and more of his mind. Really well done!

[glovered.livejournal.com]

This is such a good look at what might have gone on in Sam's head, Gadreel gently directing his thoughts.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Oooh brilliant! I especially loved the use of colours to indicate Gadreel's presence and activity, and that Sam's confusion runs round in circles - scary and sympathetic and sad all at once.

[borgmama1of5.livejournal.com]

Ohh! This is excellent!