spn_springfling | First times are overrated by ljunattainable for <user site="liv

Title: First times are overrated
Pairing Dean/Cas
Rating: Pg-13
Any warnings: the occasional swear word. No sex.

As first times go it’s a frigging disaster and it gets aborted before they’ve even got their shirts off. Dean’s been waiting so long for this he’d wanted it to be ‘special’ so he seriously doesn’t know why he thought two six-footers trying to have sex in the back of an impala was a good idea but it just seemed wrong, somehow, to exclude his baby from this momentous occasion.

Dean tries to console himself, as he gloomily watches through the windshield as Cas walks away, dejected and confused, that first times are never perfect. Dean’s not even sure if this counts as a first time - there was a bit of fumbling, some kissing (and Cas is surprisingly good at that but Dean is not asking how he got good at that), and Dean got to feel the skin on Cas’s chest as far as his belly-button. Smooth, warm skin with dusky nipples that had reacted very positively to Dean’s spit-wet thumb sliding over them.

Then he’d got an elbow in his ribs, and a knee in his junk. Cas had gotten a bloody nose when Dean’s forehead jerked upwards into his face in the confined space. Then Dean had given up, muttered, “Fuck this, this is never gonna work,” and Cas had taken his bloody tissue and himself away - away from Dean’s mood, Dean’s too small frigging car, and all Dean’s planned moves that were going to make Cas realize that despite Dean’s history, where Cas was concerned, Dean was a keeper.

Oh well, Dean will make it up to him next time.

Only there isn’t a next time. For the following two days, Cas avoids being alone with Dean. Every time Sam tries to leave them on their own Cas goes with Sam rather than staying with Dean. (”I don’t know what you did or said, but you’ve got to talk to him,” Sam hissed on the first evening when they were standing side-by-side using the urinals at a deadbeats bar). Dean would actually talk to Cas, if only Cas would give him the chance. Dean’s not a hundred percent sure what part of the disaster in the car has got Cas so miffed and it would be good to know so that he doesn’t make the same mistake again.

On the third day, Cas disappears. Just ups and leaves before Dean and Sam are out of bed, without so much as a note (Cas never was much good at explaining away sudden absences and he’s no better now he’s human than he was as an angel), takes all his stuff (which isn’t as much as it sounds), and the beat up wreck he’s been driving for the past couple of weeks. Dean’s frigging frantic. He gets his phone out but calls and texts go unanswered. He’s obviously completely messed it up but he’s not quite sure what he did to make things this bad. Okay, so his choice of location was spectacularly bad, but he doesn’t get why they don’t just try somewhere else. He goes outside intending to kick the impala but can’t do it. He knows it’s not her fault, not really. Then again, he has to take it out on something, so he kicks the tire but his heart isn’t in it.

On day five, Sam walks in to the library where Dean’s been staring at the spine of the same book for at least thirty minutes, and he grabs Dean’s shoulders, walks him over to the table and chairs and plonks him down forcefully into one of the hard wooden seats before taking one of the others, turning it backwards so he can straddle the seat and rest his arms on the chair back.

“Cas rang.”

Dean jumps back up out of his seat. “Is he okay?”

“Sit down.”

Sam looks scary serious. Dean sits.

“Did you, or did you not dump Cas?”

“Dude, of course I didn’t,” Dean says in a surprised, high-pitch voice. Dumping Cas is just… well, it’s frigging ridiculous. Not to mention, can you technically dump someone you haven’t bumped uglies with yet anyway?

Sam sighs. “In the car - and no, I don’t want details, I already know too much - what did you say, exactly? Did you, for example, tell Cas that you and he were never going to work out?”

It was nearly a week ago, Dean was pissed that everything was going wrong, how the hell is he supposed to remember what he said in the heat of the moment. “Sam, I honestly don’t remember, but if I said anything it would only have been to curse my stupid self for thinking car sex was a good idea.” Dean pauses, then adds emphatically, “Especially for our first time.”

Sam does a goldfish impersonation. “Your first time? You’re kidding!”

“Shut your face,” Dean scowls. “We’ve had more important things to think about.”

“Or you’re both frigging blind,” Sam mutters under his breath. More clearly he says, as if he’s talking to a child, “Cas takes things very literally.” He pulls a piece of paper out of his shirt pocket and throws it on the table in front of Dean. “Here. Cas is my friend. Go make things better.”

Dean looks down. It’s the address of a motel on the other side of Lebanon.

***

Dean feels a little ridiculous. He’s in a shirt and tie, favorite leather jacket, combed hair, cologne even. He’s never done this for anyone before and this is Cas, who he’s known for years, who doesn’t really care less what he wears and is going to look at him as if he’s an idiot and that’s if he doesn’t slam the door in Dean’s face first. Maybe Dean should have called before just turning up. He shuffles his feet on the concrete outside the door and rubs the toe of one shoe on the back of his pants to polish off the imaginary dust that’s settled there. He doesn’t have flowers. He had to draw the line somewhere.

He knocks nervously on the door and makes himself wait until he counts to thirty before knocking again. He nearly thumps Cas in the nose when the door swings open wide unexpectedly.

Cas looks like a startled animal.

“Hey,” Dean says, sneaking his foot into the door frame just in case Cas decides shutting Dean out is a good option.

“What are you doing here? How did you know I was here?” Cas grumbles. He doesn’t ask Dean inside. Then he answers his own question with a resigned sigh. “Sam.”

“Yeah. But don’t blame him. He just wants what’s best for us, y’know.”

“What’s best for me is to leave,” Cas says and he tries to close the door, frowning angrily when he can’t and he looks down to see Dean’s foot in the way.

Then Cas seems to take in Dean’s appearance for the first time, tilting his head in a question. “Are you on your way somewhere?”

“Only here,” Dean says and risks a step forward. Cas takes a step back.

“Why are you dressed like that?”

Dean looks down to gather his thoughts, and his eyes settle on Cas’s bare feet, vulnerable on the cheap motel carpet. He looks up again, at Cas’s face, still angry but just as vulnerable. It breaks Dean’s heart.

“So that you’ll accept my apology for the misunderstanding. And the bloody nose.”

“Different clothing helps?”

“No. I feel like an idiot.” The corner of Cas’s mouth twitches. It’s a start.

***

Dean fusses less over their second attempt at a first time but it still isn’t that great because each of them is still learning what the other likes and dislikes, but at least this time they stay wrapped up in each other’s arms, naked and warm, slick and sweaty, smiling and mumbling I-love-yous.